Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
