While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
