you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
