you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
