my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
PANTIES FOUND
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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