I think I just saw someone hide a body.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
