Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
