I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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