no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
