be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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