my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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