In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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