Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
