dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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