If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
