Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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