He is an equal opportunity slut.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
