woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
