Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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