well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
