I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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