The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
