Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
