So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
