I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
