Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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