umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He did a backflip because drugs
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