dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
