I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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