you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
