OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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