Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
