he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
