I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
