I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
