Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
