So drunk its hurt
Yo dont text me then not text me
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
