if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I faked an abortion last night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
