I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
