i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
