I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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