i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I forget how to act sober
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