Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
