he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
