I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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