is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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