the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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