Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
