He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
