i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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