I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
